FASHION WEEK IS HERE AGAIN, GOD HELP ME!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, today is January 30th, 2008. For all my fellow fashion addicts and employees of Taste, you already know what that means: we are only two days away from the start of it all once again, Mercedes-Benz New York Fall Fashion Week.

I just received a call from a client in desperate need of an emergency fashion consultation for an event she is attending with a very important client she absolutely must impress. Just for reference, she called me at 1 p.m., and the event begins at 7 p.m. To be honest, it was not until that moment that I realized it was already the 30th and that the shows were just around the corner. Her call was my wakeup call. I immediately shifted into full go mode and began doing everything necessary to get her dressed to the nines to impress everyone in that room, including her client.

Yes, it is perfectly normal for me to get calls mere hours before an event, with a client expecting me to transform them into a Vogue or GQ cover model with that little time to prepare. I am very good at what I do, so this is never a problem. It also helps that this client happens to be a dear friend I love, so I want her to look as amazing on the outside as she is on the inside.

This year, however, I have not really been on my usual pre-Fashion Week grind. The weeks leading up to Fashion Week tend to be just as frantic and busy as the actual eight-day event itself—credentials, castings, fittings, client meetings, shopping, calls, scheduling, bookings, photo shoots, and pre-parties. The list is considerably longer. But this year, not so much of that pre-week hustle. I have simply been uninterested in the process.

I was unable to attend the Milan Men’s Fall Fashion Week Shows, the real fashion week for those of us who work in men’s apparel, a few weeks ago due to scheduling conflicts. That put me in a bad mood about the New York shows. I was not very impressed with what I saw on those runways back in September, nor with all the nonsense the week has become. I did not even bother booking a hotel in the area as I usually do to avoid commuting back and forth between Brooklyn, the shows, and the parties.

I am losing interest in an event that now seems to be more about the celebrities sitting in the seats than the clothes on the runway. When there are more celebrities, paparazzi, and entertainment gossip shows and magazines present than buyers, editors, fashion photographers, image consultants, and stylists, it might be time to wrap things up. I may as well wait for the online coverage from the comfort of my home or borrow my stylist and editor friends’ digital camera shots and notes.

As happens every year around this time for the Fall shows and in September for the Spring shows, I suddenly become very popular. I am sure everyone who has been reading this blog for a while remembers what last September was like for me. People I have not heard from in six months seem to miraculously find me in their phonebooks and need to reconnect. Do the math: Fashion Week is semiannual, and it is that time once again.

This worked so well last September that I have decided to do it again, the Frequently Asked Questions list.

For all those long-lost friends and for all the people who love stopping me mid-sprint as if I have an information kiosk sign on my head, I have created a small FAQ section. This is to save you any unnecessary waiting time and to prevent me from having to stop on my way to wherever I need to go, only for you to ask the same questions your coworker at Starbucks just asked me five minutes earlier.

I am sure that as Fashion Week progresses, I will be adding more answers to this list, since I expect you will be asking more questions.

Peace, love, and fashion.

•NO, I DO NOT HAVE EXTRA INVITATIONS FOR ANY SHOWS.

•NO, I CANNOT GET YOU A MEETING WITH SOME DESIGNERS, BUYERS, BOOKING AGENTS, CASTING DIRECTORS, FASHION EDITOR, AND/OR PUFFY’S BABY MOMMAS, ETC.

•NO, I CANNOT PUT YOUR NAME ON THE GUEST LIST.

•NO, YOU CANNOT BE MY PLUS 1.

•THIS IS THE TENTS FOR FASHION WEEK. IT’S WHERE TWICE A YEAR DESIGNERS SHOW THEIR NEW FALL/SPRING DESIGNS FOR BUYERS, FASHION EDITORS, STYLIST, IMAGE CONSULTANTS, INDUSTRY INSIDERS, THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY THIS SH%T, THE CHILDREN OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY THIS SH%T. YES, THAT FASHION WEEK.

•NO, I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY SEAT TO THE CRACKED OUT STARLET OF THE MOMENT.

•NO, I AM NOT ANY PLUS SIZED, DARK SKINNED, BLACK ACTOR, SINGER, OR RAPPER YOU LOVE.

•NO, I AM NOT A STYLIST. I AM AN IMAGE CONSULTANT. YES, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. NO, I WILL NOT EXPLAIN WHAT IT IS. WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?!!!

•I BOUGHT IT AT THAT PLACE UP THE BLOCK, AROUND THE CORNER, AND DOWN THE STREET. NO. NOT THAT PLACE.

•YES, MODELS EAT. NO, I HAVE NOT SEEN IT, BUT I HEARD.

•NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU CAN SCORE SOME…

•NO, YOU CANNOT MEET ME AT THE DOOR FOR THE AFTER PARTY. I WILL MEET YOU INSIDE.

•YES, I KNOW WHERE DIDDY’S PARTY IS. NO, I AM NOT TELLING YOU.

•NO, OF COURSE I DID NOT IGNORE YOUR CALL. (APPLY WHICHEVER SUITS)

1. "I GET NO RECEPTION IN HERE"
2. "I CANNOT HEAR MY PHONE WITH ALL THAT NOISE"
3. "WE HAD TO TURN OUR PHONES OFF FOR THE SHOW"

•NO, YOU CANNOT SEE WHAT IS IN MY GIFT BAGS.

•YES, THERE ARE STRAIGHT MEN IN FASHION.

•YES, THERE ARE SUCCESSFUL BLACK PEOPLE IN FASHION.

•YES, THIS IS THE LINE FOR THE SHOW/PARTY. LOOK AT THE SIGN!

•YES, THOSE SHADES ARE PRETENTIOUS, BUT WHERE ELSE BUT HERE TO BE.

•YES, THEY ARE WEARING REAL FUR. HOW DO I KNOW?! I DIDN'T DESIGN IT!

•YES, YOU MAY GET ME ANOTHER DRINK.

•YES, YOU MAY PRACTICE WALKING IN YOUR 5 INCH HEELS FOR MY OPINIONS AND CRITIQUES.

•YES, YOU MAY FLY ME TO MILAN AND PARIS TO KEEP THE PARTY GOING.

•YES, I WILL BE UP FOR THE NEXT EIGHT DAYS AND LOVING EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF IT.

SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RUNWAY

GVG
~Tom Ford is still my fashion God~

P.S. I would have put up a photo of some black models on the runway, but let’s be honest – it’s New York Fashion Week – they don’t exist. Blog probably coming soon.