Tuesday, August 14, 2007


I think I need anger management, Yoga, Acid, a belly rub - Something. It feels as if I’m always in a perpetual state of wartime readiness with Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five whispering in my ear “Don’t push me cuss I’m close to the edge, I’m trying not to lose my head” as I wait not so patiently for anyone to set me off. I had received a call from my friend Steve asking me to work with him on a new photo project yesterday afternoon. When I tell you it’s an idea that truly speaks to the hidden parts of my soul I’m understating it. It should have made for the best beginning to my day and gave me the good energy to breeze through the rest of my day on a high. Unfortunately, at the same time I was speaking to him I was standing inside a new Bank of America branch that opened in my neighborhood in front of a “Professional teller” as they’ve named themselves. So my question is; Are there amateur tellers just coming into the bank messing with my money and what does it take to go Pro? Anyway I was in front of my “Professional Teller” at this bank which with all my heart I believe that the whole staff was trained by drunk monkeys and let loose on the community to inflict the most amounts of pain, frustration, misinformation, and stupidity possible from behind a spit and bulletproof glass divider. So as I was talking to Steve, this teller proceeded to tell me something that set me OFF. WOW, did I go off. It happened so quick that I didn’t even realize I still had the phone to my mouth as I had this conniption, pour Buddhist, calm, and always collected Steve baring the full brunt of my wrath as I let into this woman. The branch manager coming over to do the calming whisper, which only enraged me even more, it was at this point that I knew I was really going to go off and I realized Steve was still on the phone, I told him I’d call him back, hung up, and went in on both the teller and the branch manager as if they had just called my mother whatever it is someone could call your mother and you get found not guilty for a murder charge on the grounds of temporary insanity.

Here's the thing though, it just wasn’t that serious. Yes they had fucked up, but they always fuck up. I attract stupid people; I think its God's ways of keeping my verbal assault skills at their sharpest. The crazy thing is that I am the master of the calm and firm “dialogue” (more me getting in your ass than us having a discussion, but we’ll call it “dialogue” for appearances), plus it helps that I’m a 6ft 2, 250+ pound black man with a Mohawk and a face that screams “Fuck with me if you want to! I eat people for fun.” So yes I got my way, but I could have gotten it without losing it and that’s exactly what happened, I lost it. I had no control over myself and that’s just not cool. What made it worse was that I wasn’t even that mad, as soon as I walked out I was back to being geeked about Steve's photo idea. I wanted to go back and apologize, but I wasn’t that happy or willing to allow them to excuse their own stupidity and contradiction with a belief that it was all good. I do think I will go tomorrow though, just for my own soul. I don’t like what’s going on and the direction it’s going in so I think, correction, I know I need to do something about it. Guess it’s just a matter of figuring out what. Does anyone know where I can get some Acid? Hippies seem so happy and relaxed, going for that. I’ll take a chance to make my own porn with chemistry instead though, that seems like it could lead to some serious Happy Happy Joy Joy me.


So I did it, I woke up early today and went to the Bank hat in hand and apologized both to the “Professional Teller” (I don’t care that is still funny) and Branch manager for unleashing the wrath of the heavens upon the both of them for no real reason. As I apologized they kept telling me it was ok and there was no need for it. They had already moved past it and understood my frustration for having so many issues trying to complete what should have been a simple transaction. I realized the apology had less to do with them than it did with me. I was apologizing to myself for allowing it to all get out of hand, losing my composure and with it my self-respect. I've always loved yet not necessarily lived by the proverb “When you argue with a fool, no one looking can tell which is which" I'm tired of being seen as a fool.

~we’re the warriors they write epics about~

1 comment:

NBeans said...

Yes, happy happy joy joy is good stuff.