Gardy I respect you and your views on Spike Lee. But the one thing that upsets me is that I had hoped that I would never encounter such an offensive questionnaire on my page as this one. The questions posed are ones that boyfriends and doctors would never ask, let alone someone I know on a casual basis. The kinds of women who would answer questionnaires such as this are women who already have emotional issues. These questions are offensive, degrading and frankly scare the shit out of me. Do men sit in offices and write out the most degrading shit they can. And how many of these men would answer these questions? None I would bet. So if Spike Lee is your hero then enjoy. But if a man needs to think that a woman’s independence is based fully upon her sexual history, then I pity the women in his life.
I respect you as well, but the questionnaire was in no way meant to be disrespectful. The purpose of it was to get an idea of what the character would be in the real world and not a caricature that reads as if created by a whole bunch of frat boy writers. I’ve done the same type of social research for my book. My book is about an African American homosexual teacher who was molested as a child. Other than being black and teaching for a small time I don’t know the pains of my character well enough to truly grasp the topic and do my writing and those that lived it justice. I reached out to both people who were molested as children and homosexual males and the overwhelming majority were strangers. If it wasn’t for similar surveys I wouldn’t have anything to work off except for stereotypes, hearsay, and my own misconceptions. The survey I created was considerably more intense and probing, as it related to their sexual histories, their abuse, the interactions with their partners, their students, the parents of their students, and much much more. I asked these men who didn’t know me from Adam to revisit their abuse for my book and they gave me the honor of their pain to create my art. My writing and my personal life have both been greatly improved because of those interviews. I don’t personally know Spike, but I believe he had the same intentions with the survey; it was to determine how far woman would go with their sexuality back in 1985 and what that meant to the reality of their day to day lives and interactions with men. I didn’t say he was my hero, but I also don’t in any way believe him to be a bad person.
As for me sending it out that was out of my own curiosity as to what the answers would be 21 years later and if we, both men and women, have changed much in those 21 years since its original release as it relates to our views on sex and gender. I was raised in a home with all women and the majority of my friends were and still are woman. I probably have had as intimate and open a relationship a man can have with women he is not in a relationship with and been blessed to hold the confidence of these woman. This wasn’t in anyway something to get my rocks off, it was me sincerely wondering if woman have become more empowered or are still restrained by societies double standards of acceptance based on gender. If I offended you I apologize, but I would hope you would take my track record in the past as a factor in your thoughts of my intentions. This was not something I sent to every woman I know. I was very conscious in the decisions I made. I thought you to be a very intelligent and thoughtful woman. I know you wouldn’t just look at the surface of the subject matter and instead delve deeper into the purpose of the subject matter. The only reason I have my blog is as a forum for discussions. I wanted once the answers were posted to have a discussion on people’s views of the commenter’s. So far I have received about 35 responses from woman who just wanted me to know the answers and four women who posted on the actual blog as anonymous commenter’s. All the answers differ in their own way and are reflective of the women who gave them, as they should be. However, also very reflective of their parents and the experiences that raised them.
"If a man needs to think that a woman’s independence is based fully upon her sexual history, then I pity the women in his life."
I wanted to speak to this one point. The independence of the women isn’t based on her sexual history but her strength and independence is a factor in her sexual history. That truth applies to both men and woman. We are products of our interactions. The movie used her sexuality as a story base to push the topic of the men’s insecurities with her strength.
If you care to you can check out the answers given so far in the comment section of the actual blog, if you want nothing to do with this anymore I understand that as well and will respect your wishes.
This is the blog link.
PART 3 COMING TOMORROW