Us NY dudes need to step our GoGo music game up or else...

The most gangsta non-violent moment ever on TV.



Don't get caught slippin



Can't wait for 08

GVG
~waiting on the new package~

GVG TAKEN TO TASK OVER A.S.S. SURVEY N BLOG PART 3 OF 3

BECAUSE OF THE LENGTH OF THIS POST I HAVE BROKEN IT UP INTO THREE PARTS. PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO READ THE FIRST TWO PARTS AND THE COMMENTS IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY. THIS IS THE FINAL PART. ENJOY

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I was more than a bit hasty in my response to your message and I apologize I was mutli-tasking. Never a good thing. I found the questionnaire offensive but in no means am I accusing you of it. It just strikes me as so off and crude in regards to women. I, once again, must reiterate that no man has ever asked me those questions and if I were asked to fill out such a form as that I would be very frightened. It’s hard being a woman and when our stance on being strong and independent seems to be all likened to our sexual practices on a questionnaire, it leads one to think what strides have we made as women. Especially in the black culture. I guess that’s really what I wanted to point out, yes Spike Lee had some things to say but the way in which he went about it in some cases seems to be blatantly wrong. Even Rosie Perez has made comments regarding this. I think it would be interesting to ask the women who worked for him what they thought of him. No leading just asking.

~ HER

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Thank you for your sincerity and openness with your feelings on this matter. As I said I truly didn’t want to offend you. I respect your feelings on both the subject matter and Spike Lee. Whatever our difference of opinions, I love that you will always give me a fight for my money and call me on my stuff when you believe it necessary. I don’t believe us to just be casual acquaintances; though we don’t see each other nor talk as much as some I still have and always will think of you as my friend and for that I respect and value you and your opinion.

I have to be honest this back and forth between us deeply disturbed me and had me question my actions and then wondering how many people had your same feelings yet did not voice them. I have no desire to exist in a bubble of only my fellow likeminded. Decent is the only way to grow and change your thinking or fortify your beliefs by debating those differences and seeing how well they stand to scrutiny. I would hate to believe there are other women out there feeling I have crossed the line and have decided not to bring the fight to me as you did.

I hope you have you have an amazing Thanksgiving filled with food, love, libations, and all those you love. Peace and Blessing.

~ME

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We are definitely not just casual acquaintances at all and I have to apologize for being so vocal. My mother raised me to be extremely loud. I guess it’s the mini-feminist I sometimes try to hide.

Happy Family Day (not Thanksgiving because that’s a ruse)

~ ME

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THE END ?

GVG TAKEN TO TASK OVER A.S.S. SURVEY N BLOG PART 2 OF 3

BECAUSE OF THE LENGTH OF THIS POST I HAVE BROKEN IT UP INTO THREE PARTS. BELOW IS PART 2 OF THIS 3 PART DISCUSSION WITH "HER". SCROLL BELOW TO PART 1 IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY READ IT OR THE COMMENTS ALREADY LEFT.

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Gardy I respect you and your views on Spike Lee. But the one thing that upsets me is that I had hoped that I would never encounter such an offensive questionnaire on my page as this one. The questions posed are ones that boyfriends and doctors would never ask, let alone someone I know on a casual basis. The kinds of women who would answer questionnaires such as this are women who already have emotional issues. These questions are offensive, degrading and frankly scare the shit out of me. Do men sit in offices and write out the most degrading shit they can. And how many of these men would answer these questions? None I would bet. So if Spike Lee is your hero then enjoy. But if a man needs to think that a woman’s independence is based fully upon her sexual history, then I pity the women in his life.

~ HER

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I respect you as well, but the questionnaire was in no way meant to be disrespectful. The purpose of it was to get an idea of what the character would be in the real world and not a caricature that reads as if created by a whole bunch of frat boy writers. I’ve done the same type of social research for my book. My book is about an African American homosexual teacher who was molested as a child. Other than being black and teaching for a small time I don’t know the pains of my character well enough to truly grasp the topic and do my writing and those that lived it justice. I reached out to both people who were molested as children and homosexual males and the overwhelming majority were strangers. If it wasn’t for similar surveys I wouldn’t have anything to work off except for stereotypes, hearsay, and my own misconceptions. The survey I created was considerably more intense and probing, as it related to their sexual histories, their abuse, the interactions with their partners, their students, the parents of their students, and much much more. I asked these men who didn’t know me from Adam to revisit their abuse for my book and they gave me the honor of their pain to create my art. My writing and my personal life have both been greatly improved because of those interviews. I don’t personally know Spike, but I believe he had the same intentions with the survey; it was to determine how far woman would go with their sexuality back in 1985 and what that meant to the reality of their day to day lives and interactions with men. I didn’t say he was my hero, but I also don’t in any way believe him to be a bad person.

As for me sending it out that was out of my own curiosity as to what the answers would be 21 years later and if we, both men and women, have changed much in those 21 years since its original release as it relates to our views on sex and gender. I was raised in a home with all women and the majority of my friends were and still are woman. I probably have had as intimate and open a relationship a man can have with women he is not in a relationship with and been blessed to hold the confidence of these woman. This wasn’t in anyway something to get my rocks off, it was me sincerely wondering if woman have become more empowered or are still restrained by societies double standards of acceptance based on gender. If I offended you I apologize, but I would hope you would take my track record in the past as a factor in your thoughts of my intentions. This was not something I sent to every woman I know. I was very conscious in the decisions I made. I thought you to be a very intelligent and thoughtful woman. I know you wouldn’t just look at the surface of the subject matter and instead delve deeper into the purpose of the subject matter. The only reason I have my blog is as a forum for discussions. I wanted once the answers were posted to have a discussion on people’s views of the commenter’s. So far I have received about 35 responses from woman who just wanted me to know the answers and four women who posted on the actual blog as anonymous commenter’s. All the answers differ in their own way and are reflective of the women who gave them, as they should be. However, also very reflective of their parents and the experiences that raised them.

"If a man needs to think that a woman’s independence is based fully upon her sexual history, then I pity the women in his life."

I wanted to speak to this one point. The independence of the women isn’t based on her sexual history but her strength and independence is a factor in her sexual history. That truth applies to both men and woman. We are products of our interactions. The movie used her sexuality as a story base to push the topic of the men’s insecurities with her strength.

If you care to you can check out the answers given so far in the comment section of the actual blog, if you want nothing to do with this anymore I understand that as well and will respect your wishes.

This is the blog link.
http://iamgvg.blogspot.com/2007/11/shes-gotta-have-it.html

~ME

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PART 3 COMING TOMORROW

GVG TAKEN TO TASK OVER A.S.S. SURVEY N BLOG PART 1 OF 3

BECAUSE OF THE LENGTH OF THIS POST I HAVE BROKEN IT UP INTO THREE PARTS. CHECK BACK EACH DAY FOR THE NEXT PART.

As the subject suggested someone took offense to the blog and accompanying survey I sent out last week entitled “SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT” in hopes of having some of my females readers (the two of you), my female friends (two more) fill out. I think it was the excitement of actually getting a glimpse into Spike Lee's alleged character development and research process for such a character that had me so excited to send it out and not conscious of how it might have been perceived. Don’t worry this reader made a clear point of telling me.

While we had our back and forth I got to thinking about how many other women might have been out there whom read the post and thought the same or worse. I wondered if I had possibly lost one of the two female readers of this blog I actually had and even one of those female friends as well. Below is the conversation that took place between myself and “HER”, if you have similar views or would like to rip into me on any topic feel free to go at it. I don’t care to live in a bubble full of my fellow choir members, always down to have my gospel tested and my beliefs question.

STAND UP AND BRING IT ON!!!

CONVERSATION/DEBATE/ARGUMENT/ALL OUT WAR BEGINS

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I've honestly never thought that Spike Lee was a proponent for equal rights when it comes to women and in some ways I truly don't agree with his views of equal rights for African-Americans as well. I remember watching his movies as a teen and was shocked at what I saw. For a woman of mixed-race heritage living in a town called ________, Colorado I honestly didn't get it. I tried but I didn't. It's bizarre that I come from a town with absolutely no minorities as a child and experienced nothing but an idyllic childhood. I'm not certain that a man like Spike Lee could ever speak for me. I don't think I would ever want him to. School Daze, She's Gotta Have It, Do the Right Thing...all misogynistic. Sorry I can't fill out something that makes me feel slimy and less than the woman I am. I remember seeing an interview with Rosie Perez and she was talking about the ice cube scene and how the cameraman made Spike Lee stop. He's an asshole, unhappy being the short ugly troll that he is.

~ HER

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I understand what you’re saying, but I respectfully have to disagree with you. Spike Lee spoke to me in a way that almost no other director has ever. The irony is the fact that the three movies you listed are the ones that most resonate with me. I am not mixed by race but by association. I am Haitian, but I came from a well off family and went to private school for the majority of my life with predominately all white kids and loved rock music as much as Hip Hop if not more at some moments back then. This did not make for the easiest of connections with neither my black or white classmates nor my neighbors. When around black kids I was the dark kid, which back then was a race onto itself, when around the white kids I was the black kid. No, I didn’t really deal with racism as a child amongst my white friends. Probably got more shit from the black kids, but that’s another story onto itself. We were children and played as such, our differences had more to do with personalities than race, but as I got older lines were drawn and unspoken understandings made. I have to admit I hate being the black guy and how comfortable my white friends are to separate me into a class all my own. To let some dumb “unconsciously” racist BS fly from their mouths under the gize of curiosity or humor. I AM BLACK.

Coming up in New York Spike was my New York director, no matter how much I loved Woody Allen, his New York, wasn’t my New York. I found identity, pride, and understanding from Spike. I’ve watched “School daze” numerous times over the years at different points in my life and each time it’s meant something different to me and made me aware of how he spoke to the topics and ills of a community underrepresented by Hollywood. Who else back then and since made a film about all black colleges and people of color actually going to them and succeeding while dealing with all the stuff that can make you want to pack your bags and go home. We as a people are always told all we do is drop out, go to jail, and have kids out of wedlock. Both he and Bill Cosby with “A different world” CRUSHED those stereotypes (for that moment in time) with representations of historically black colleges and universities (HBCU) on both the large and small screen. Up until that point I and a lot of other people, both black and white, didn’t even know such a thing as an HBCU existed.

All my black friends came from well off families with highly educated parents who were doctors, lawyers, politicians, but all I saw of black success on TV were musicians, athletes and/or drug dealers. Where was my reality? I went to NYU, so I can’t speak to the HBCU experience other than what I’ve witnessed second hand from my friends who attended them, but when I transferred to a predominately black private school and met the light/dark color divides for the first time it freaked me out and I saw it in his movies. It dealt with my desire to sometimes be the blackest guy in the room, probably subconsciously, in hopes of proving my blackness. It spoke to my own fucked up behavior with woman and control due to what I saw as a child with men and woman. It made me face my own prejudices related to our own race. How the media and society brainwashed me and most around me to believe in a distorted ideal of beauty and once discovering the misinformation, my own overdoing to destroy those false ideals by doing the polar opposite and in turn create other prejudices.

I understood the anger of the community in “Do the right thing”, because at different points in my life I’ve wondered out loud “Why aren’t there any black people on the wall?” and “Why did the cops just killed Radio Raheem?”. "She’s gotta have it" came out right as I was entering puberty and it blew my mind that a woman could be that free and confident with her own sexuality. I was raised in a patriarchal Haitian home where a woman’s’ sexual identity was constructed by the man that “chose her”. If he was a freak she was a freak because she did what he wanted. If she had sex six times a week if was because he turned over six times a week or four or one or none because he would be next door getting it from his mistress and you couldn’t do ANYTHING about it as HIS wife. This bothered me, until “she’s got to have it” crushed all those preconceived notions for me. It showed me that a woman could please herself whenever, however, and with whomever she so pleased and we were the ones who were lucky to be chosen to assist her in achieving her goal. Spike is not perfect, but he is mine and I proudly claim him. You’ve been in NYC for a while now and I think your experiences and interactions have had to have been effected a bit by living here. I would urge you to revisit those films and see where they stand in your current life as a woman, a person of mixed heritage, and a New Yorker. Please do me another favor if you haven’t seen it already I’d love it if you watched Afropunk.

~ME

P.S. That ice cube seen blew my mind and helped a lot of early sexual encounters go better.

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PART 2 COMING TOMORROW

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

While you sit down to your hearty meals and loving families don't forget what was lost for our celebration. I wish for you a great holiday season filled with family, love, libations, and a whole lot of great food. Pray for those who aren't as blessed this holiday season to have the love and support of another to get them through this harsh world. Peace and blessings to you and your families.

GVG
~thankful for those who stood up~

PERFECTION IS IN THE DETAILS

I came across a great series of shots by my favorite fashion blogger The Sartorialist; that he did for the December issue of GQ of Luca Rubinacci. I live for details and this is all about the details. The reality is I wouldn’t have put this together for a client nor myself. However, I really really respect and love him doing it for himself. The colors, patterns, accessories, fabrics, and fit are all on point and worthy of multiple shots. I live for this.

Please click on each photo to enlarge and truly enjoy each and every detail this ensemble has to offer.

GVG
~we're the warriors they write epics about~

SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT

Recently, I came across a survey that Spike Lee reportedly gave to several women to help shape the character who would become Nola Darling in She’s Gotta Have It from Che Grand. As I read through the questions, I grew curious about what the answers might look like more than two decades after the film’s original release, and the survey that inspired such a provocative character at the time.

This is where you, my loyal, beautiful, intelligent, and open-minded female readers and friends, come in. And yes, I'm greasing you up, but I mean every word. So, if you feel comfortable, I invite you to take the survey. And if you prefer to keep your answers private, you are welcome to share them anonymously as a commenter on my blog.

IF YOU ONLY WANT ME TO SEE YOUR ANSWERS YOU CAN E-MAIL ME AT GVG@IAMGVG.COM. YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE HELD IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE TO NEVER BE READ BY ANOTHER SOUL, UNLESS EXPRESSLY REQUESTED BY YOU.

This survey is called: A.S.S. (Advanced Sexual Syndrome)

1. Are there any sexual acts you perform with one man and not another? Why?

2. Do you have an aversion to swallowing when a man ejaculates?

3. Do you think in time one man will satisfy you?

4. What do you look for in sex?

5. Is making love different than sex? Why if so?

6. Name some inhibitions you had to overcome.

7. Do you think you are sexually adept?

8. What would you consider a freak? Why?

9. Are you one?

10. What do you feel when you have to have it? Tense? Evil? Explain.

11. When ya gotta have it, how do you get it?

12. What do you think about a woman that masturbates?

13. Do your morals or scruples sometimes conflict with desire/need?

14. How often do you have sex?

15. Have you ever had an orgasm> How old were you? Describe it.

16. Can you enjoy sex without an orgasm?

17. Do you need outside stimuli to get yourself ready, i.e., drugs, alcohol, magazines, porno films?

18. Talk about one unfulfilled fantasy.

19. Do you feel all men are basically dogs??

20. Do you like to be dominated, or yourself take control?

21. Is there a limit to what you'll do? How far will you go?

22. Have you ever made a request to a man that he declined? What was it?

23. Have you ever had a ménage a trios?

24. Where you ever tempted to go to bed with a woman?

25. Does penis size matter?

26. Does the threat of pregnancy or disease deter you?

27. Approx. how many men have you had? Any regrets?

28. Have you ever looked for love through sex? Why? Did you find it?

29. Describe your most memorable encounter.

30. Do you like foreplay? Do enough men do it?

31. What turns you off the most?

32. Have you ever had low self esteem after sex? Why?

33. What's your favorite position? What do you find men like most?

34. Have you ever lied or faked an orgasm (moans, groans) to please your partner? Why did you do it?

35. Were you raised in a strict home?

36. Do you care if people put labels on you - loose, etc?

37. Do you find a lot of men sexually inhibited?

38. What do you find attractive in men?

39. Have you ever OD'd on sex?

40. What part of your body is on the money?

GVG
~we’re the warriors they write epics about~

AUDIO FOREPLAY SUNDAYS: UNTITLED

The video below was in the related videos section and honestly once you see it you'll know why i HAD to post it.



GVG
~I DO~

AND I RESPONDED WITH...

I realize that I have a very reactionary personality, always on the defensive. Some might argue that this is a losing position to take, one that will eventually lead to my downfall. But I do not see it that way—I do not lose. My best writing often comes as a response to something external. The passion that fuels those moments seems to slip away when I am calm and clear-headed. It is not that my mind becomes distorted when I am fiercely focused on a cause; rather, in those moments, I have a single purpose: to address whatever has stirred me up. I am not held back by the need for perfection, only driven by the urgent need to release what is inside and move forward. When I write like that, people tend to connect deeply with my words, and I am less burdened by the flaws that I would normally obsess over.

I have about six or seven pieces on various topics sitting unfinished on my hard drive. They are in different states of disrepair, yet each one is deeply personal. In a way, these pieces help me function, allowing me to cope each day in my own quiet, anti-social way by getting my thoughts out. The truth is that most of them will probably never be read by anyone else. They have lingered too long, held hostage by the pressure I place on myself to make them perfect. They never quite meet the high standards I have set, and so in my mind, they are not worthy of being shared with another living, literate soul. I share this because I want to say that although I may not express myself in the way some expect, I am still expressing myself in the only way I can. With every tap of the keys, I move a little closer to my own salvation and mental stability. Whether my words reach the public eye or remain private, the act itself is what matters.

That long string of sentences above is meant to lead into what follows. Today, while indulging my habit of being a curious, voyeuristic blog reader, I came across a post that sparked a flood of thoughts, which then poured out in words. The post was about the author’s abusive father, and it made me reflect on my own father, something I find myself doing more often these days. I called a friend a few nights ago to talk about it, but she was caught up in her own busy world and could not offer the support I needed. Below, I have included a link to the original post by this woman, and beneath that, what I wrote in response. Halfway through writing, what was supposed to be a brief comment of sympathy transformed into a four-paragraph vent that revealed far more about me and my struggles than it did about her story. So, I figured I might as well share it here with the few of you who actually read this and care to know a little more about me.

HER BLOG POST

http://dimendaruff.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-journeyits-time.html



MY RESPONSE:

I don’t want to come across as negative, but sometimes you have to face the way the cookie crumbles. Plain and simple—FUCK FORGIVENESS! I do not believe in it. They did what they did and it is their weight to carry. I believe in acknowledging the pain and moving forward, with or without the person, depending on the gravity of what they put you through by your own standards of suffering, not anyone else’s. When I was a kid, I went to a psychologist who, like others since, tried to minimize my pain by comparing it to some arbitrary scale. They did not know me. I have no idea what your father did to you, but with my heart, I do not believe you would call him “The Devil” if he had not earned that name every damn day. Sure, he might be getting help with his addiction, but you should never have to be a part of his redemption just so he can feel better about himself. There is an old scientific idea I live by—every action triggers a reaction of equal or greater force. So for every hurt you caused me, my reaction is never forgiving you.

I cannot say I had a horrible father. By most people’s standards, he was a good dad. But by mine, he failed at what mattered most. He did not step up as a father or as a husband to my mother. Because of that, I made up my mind never to speak to him again. When I was in eighth grade, he died, and I chose not to attend his funeral. I thought it would be hypocritical to show up and mourn a man I had already cast off, especially in front of those who genuinely grieved him. Everyone said it was the worst choice I could make and that I would regret it for the rest of my life. He did what he did. I made my decision and stood by it. To be honest, after all these years, I am curious about that funeral not with regret, but with the voyeur in me wanting to know how people reacted. Who loved him? Who showed up and who stayed away? How would my siblings act in the presence of the man who abandoned them while surrounded by family who expected them to treat him like a king? How many would be crying, screaming, or trying to jump into the hole dug for his casket? If you could not tell, my family is wildly dramatic when it comes to death. The first time I attended a white person’s funeral, it freaked me out how quiet and subdued everyone was.

As I have gotten older, I have noticed myself adopting many of my father’s mannerisms and quirks. This started a couple of years after he passed and only became clear when other family members pointed it out to me—his laugh, the way I cross my legs knee over knee even though it should not be possible with the thickness of my thighs, how I hold a glass. And yes, some of the bad habits as well. This has made me paranoid about the kind of man I am or will become. Is it nature or nurture? That question always lingers in the back of my mind. Who knows what our relationship might have been if he had lived longer? Would my curiosity have driven me to seek him out to study our similarities? Would my disgust for his behavior have shifted into pride as I became more like him in a society that glorifies the traits I once saw as flaws? Would his openness about his bank account have made him more appealing as a father figure to my ambitious and expensive tastes? All I have to go on is what was. From that, I can say I made a choice and I live with it every damn day.

P.S. My brother and sister secretly still hate me for not attending the funeral, even though they had far worse experiences with him than I ever did. I don’t really get it. We do not talk about it, so it just sits there, taking up space in a room we are never in together.

THE POLITICS OF LEGACY: THE REAGAN EDITION

I have always been struck by how Ronald Reagan’s so called political indiscretions, the ones that devastated so many minority and underprivileged communities through a web of harmful and biased policies, were all but erased from public memory after he died. The list is long, far longer than I could unpack here: Iran Contra, Reaganomics, savage cuts to programs that supported the vulnerable and the arts, and countless other wounds inflicted quietly but deeply. Yet when he passed, the narrative shifted. Suddenly, he was a hero. People from every corner of the political spectrum lined up to honor him as if none of the damage ever happened. What that says about both parties is something I will leave for you to wrestle with.

Just recently, I stumbled upon a back and forth between New York Times columnists Paul Krugman and David Brooks debating how Reagan should be remembered. I thought you might appreciate the conversation as much as I did. If you read nothing else, do not miss Krugman’s final response. It is a masterclass in delivering a well earned checkmate. The entire exchange is worth your time. Read it.

here

GVG
~man of the times~

BREAKING THROUGH...

I realized it has been quite some time since I last posted and truthfully I do not know when I will post again. But today I came across two video clips that felt like a light breaking through a heavy cloud. And that is a smile I want to share with you.

The first is the trailer for The Great Debaters, an upcoming film produced by Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Productions. Directed by Denzel Washington who also stars alongside Forrest Whitaker, Kimberly Elise, Nate Parker, and Jurnee Smollett, the film tells the true story of Melvin B. Tolson. While teaching at Wiley College, Tolson formed a debate team that went on to defeat Harvard in the 1935 national championships. It is a story of resilience, intellect, and triumph that still resonates deeply.

The second clip is a visual adaptation created as a school project for Lupe Fiasco’s “He Gets The Girl,” crafted by Mathew Metoyer. While I remain skeptical of some of Lupe’s earlier remarks about Tribe thinking maybe he let the voices of those urging him to simplify his art influence him too much, this song is one of my favorites from the album. This unofficial, yet profoundly authentic video captures the raw emotion and sincerity behind the lyrics making the message impossible not to feel.

GVG
~~