A CONVERSATION BEFORE DEATH CALLS

Below is a CrackBerry Messenger conversation I had with a friend yesterday, while on a short flight from Michigan to NYC, after reading a blog post she wrote entitled “It was all a dream”.


Participants:
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GVG, Belle

Messages:
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GVG: It’s funny you had a dream about death

GVG: The last couple of flights I've had have been especially bad for me

GVG: I've never been scared of flying

GVG: Outside of the little anxiety on takeoff and landing, but I think that's common with everyone.

GVG: The last couple of flights have been different

GVG: I have these weird daydreams about the plane crashing

GVG: Maybe it has to do with the fact that I always sit in the emergency row for the extra legroom n all of a sudden I have really started to think about why there is an emergency row n when my responsibilities would actually take effect

GVG: I honestly think I'm writing so I can stop thinking about dying

GVG: It’s not working

GVG: Cuss now instead of dreaming of dying, I'm writing about dying

GVG: Weird things pass through ur mind when you think u may die

GVG: Who you'd call

GVG: In what order

GVG: Who u wouldn’t

GVG: what you'd say

GVG: I keep thinking that I’ll do one last status update on FaceBook

*GVG: "Gardy is about to die. Hope you're having a better day. P.S. Spirit sucks!"

GVG: You start thinking about all the things u didn't do

GVG: the women u loved n never told

GVG: The women who loved u n u never appreciated

GVG: The petty issues u had with friends and family

GVG: I actually just had a great memory pop into my head about u

GVG: Don't know why it sticks, but I just thought about that smile u gave me that night I ran out of that Roots concert at Highline

GVG: Even while I sit here writing

GVG: I realize I'm not scared of death

GVG: God, just make it quick

GVG: I'm scared shitless of not being remembered

GVG: I can be better than I am

GVG: That's such a bullshit statement

GVG: We can all be better than we are

GVG: The question is what will we do to be better

GVG: I think you should know that I always thought the story that it was when you saw my "story of life/death" tattoo was when you lost interest was bs

GVG: The plane is bouncing back n fourth n it’s messing with me

GVG: My toees r clinched

GVG: I have to keep typing

GVG: I put the volume all the way up on Alice Smith’s album

*GVG: I love the irony that the beginning of the chorus to the song I’m listening to is "If we start to fall..."

GVG: We landed.

*Belle: Blog this. It's painfully honest.

Belle: I'm glad you made it safe.

Belle: And um, why is your phone on mofo. You're supposed to turn it off.

GVG: Painfully honest is just the right way to describe it

Belle: And the tats were it.

Belle: I wouldn't lie.

Belle: ull be remembered. The question is how. That dream was eye opening for me.

GVG: Think it was eye opening for both of us

GVG: I started keeping it [my phone] on because I thought if I was going to die I didn't want to waste time trying to turn it back on to call n text

Belle: Am I living the way I want people to remember me? Will my folk remember me enuff to party on?

GVG: I think I would have had a panic attack if I wasn't typing

Belle: will kev and jess be ok? Will …… (Deleted because its none of your business)

Belle: Alice Smith is good. So is Nina Simone.

Belle: Or gospel music or Stevie- all songs about hope. Little trick I use.

GVG: I’ll remember that

GVG: I needed an uplifting album

GVG: Good God my hands r ashy

GVG: The things u notice...

Belle: He died, but did you see how ashy his hands were in that casket?

GVG: Thanx for giving me the space to type

Belle: Good lord. They coulda done a better job than that.

GVG: LOL

GVG: He don't even look like that

Belle: If I ever write this book. That line is going in there.

Belle: He woulda used more lotion.

Belle: Someone who loves you would put lotion on you.

GVG: Agreed

Belle: (It won't be me. Cause I ain't touching a body)

Belle: But we wouldn't let you go to the great beyond looking ashy.

Belle: You got to go how you came - in style.

GVG: Fresh to death!!!!

Belle: Word.

Belle: Gotta bounce for the train. $

GVG: Bye!

Belle: You should post this whole exchange on ur blog. $

GVG: Was thinking the same thing

GVG: Think I’ll call it "A conversation before death calls"

THE END

*It should be noted on this flight that Spirit left my luggage back in Michigan and at the time of posting still have not returned my luggage. Guess that status update wasn’t too far off.

* The song I was listening to was Gary’s Song off Alice Smith’s debut album “For Lovers, Dreamers, & Me”

* You may have noticed that I wrote a lot with no response. Up until this point I was still in the air with no signal on my phone. When we landed, my signal returned, and all the messages I had typed went through at once.