SUIT YOUR LIFE: 7 FATHER’S DAY GIFT IDEAS THAT ARE NOT A TIE

Check out the first piece for my new Suit Your Life fashion column with Black Enterprise Magazine. Enjoy.

http://www.blackenterprise.com/2011/06/17/7-fathers-day-gift-ideas-not-a-tie/

Tell a friend to tell another friend.

Join me on twitter for more news, articles, and updates. A lot of great things on the horizon. Join me @iamGVG

Take 1

HEARTS 4 HAITI

A Brooklyn Haiku

Slept with the girl of my dreams
We met that same night
Woke up still dreaming

But when she opened her eyes,
She smiled like nothing had changed.
But I could feel the difference in the way she blinked
Like waking was a reset, I did not survive.
I had never wanted morning less.

.

AM I A WHORE BY BLOOD?

I got a call from my cousin tonight. What started as a quick check-in turned into one of the deeper conversations we have had in a long time. We ended up talking about the future, about legacy, and eventually, about love. He asked me, “Do you believe people truly want to be in love?” That question, simple as it was, cracked something open in me.

Without hesitation, I said, “Yes.”

He let out an “Oh” that was less of a response and more of a dismissal. The kind that carries the weight of judgment, as if I had just revealed myself to be embarrassingly naive. But I pressed on. Maybe out of stubbornness. Maybe because I still believed he was one of the few men who might truly understand how I felt, someone who shared not only my bloodline but also the scars that came with it.

I reminded him of how both our fathers died. Men with large bank accounts, multiple homes scattered across continents, closets full of tailored suits and custom shoes, and long lists of romantic conquests. Yet none of those women were at their bedsides when the end came. When my father suffered a stroke, the only woman he trusted enough to help him sort through his affairs was my mother. A woman he had not been with for over fourteen years. That fact still haunts me. It was a sobering reminder that intimacy without permanence can leave you surrounded by people but still entirely alone.

I told my cousin that I do not want that for myself. That I want love, the real kind. Not just companionship or shared experiences, but someone to build with, someone who knows me deeply and chooses me daily. I could feel him growing impatient. Each “Uh huh” was a slow closing door. And then, just as I finished what felt like a heartfelt monologue, he shouted:

“OUR DADS WERE WHORES AND WE GOT THEIR BLOOD!”

I was stunned.

I sat there in silence as he launched into nostalgia, recalling what he called “the good times.” We used to call our fathers The Brothers, and we all had our stories. Tales we traded like folklore. My brother, my cousin, and I. Stories of walking downstairs to find three different women proudly standing in front of the dinner table, each having prepared a dish, and my father asking me which meal my fat picky fingers would choose that night. I thought it was charming back then. I did not realize what I had walked into until much later.

There were other stories too. One of us stumbling in on a scene that looked, at first, like a spirited bedside prayer, only to realize moments later there was nothing holy about what we had just witnessed.

Tonight, I tried to explain my quiet fear. That with every relationship, I want so badly to be the man I say I am. Not the man I was raised to become. My past behavior has, at times, echoed my father’s. I am not a cheater, but I do love women. I love to flirt. I enjoy the attention. And I often wonder, when the time comes, will I be able to shut that part of myself off? Will the ring on my finger silence the pull of inherited patterns?

I realized during that call that my cousin could not give me the answers I was looking for. Or maybe he was the exact person to give me the truth, just not in a way I was ready to hear. Eventually, I gave him an easy out from a conversation he never wanted to have. And I was left alone, turning my questions over in my head, the way you turn a stone in your hand, hoping it will eventually feel smooth.

Was I destined to become what he so bluntly named me, a whore?

What would that life look like? Would I get all the girls, all the memories, all the stories to pass down to my sons and nephews? Would they laugh the way we used to, retelling tales of women and wild nights? And if so, would I one day die alone, wondering which one of those women could have been enough if I had only chosen her, stayed, and tried?

I do not have the answers tonight. But the questions are loud. And for now, that is where I am. Somewhere between who I was raised by and who I hope to become.

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG: EP 2 BOSTON

PART 1


PART 2


GVG
~SEE YOU IN THE AIR~

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG INTRO AND EP1: PACKING SUCKS OR I SUCK AT PACKING

You may not know this, but my New Year’s resolution (that wasn’t actually done on New Year’s) was to travel again. Travel as much as I can, as often as I can, for as long as I can. I can’t figure out why it was that I stopped traveling, maybe it’s the same reason I never made that big move across the Atlantic, that I’ve been talking about doing for all these years. Anyway, I got to a point where I said enough is enough and just started to book everything that came across my computer screen. I’ve done rather well. I’ve been on a plane at least once a month if not a minimum of twice a month since April. Not all of them have been lavish, far off lands, but all of them great experiences that have added to my growth and fond memories. The most memorable of the trips being my first trip back to Haiti with my brother. We plan to do that one again very soon.

My cousin Stephanie especially, and a few other close friends have tried to get me to keep a journal of my journey’s, but as I’ve seemed to have lost my bug for writing, as anyone who used to reads this blog can attest to, I just didn’t have the desire to write. I needed another way of documenting this experience, I ran into a cool guy one night who told me about how he created a collage with all the things in his pockets and other small random items he collected from his trip to South Africa. Interesting. I came across a blog of a guy who took one Polaroid picture per day since the late 70s and never missed a day. Very interesting. Another friend’s father wrote about the best part of each day for one year, exactly one year. Also interesting. As I encountered all these creative ways of documenting ones life I knew I wanted my own way, but I knew it had to be my own and not the rehash of someone else’s.

I have played around with the idea of keeping a photo journal, but I knew me and how I would have to preface each pic with a story and thought that wouldn’t do the idea justice. Then I had another idea – how about a video journal of my travels. No writing, but I get to give you all the stuff that’s going on with me as its happening. On a good day it could hopefully be insightful, entertaining, funny, informative, and beautiful, on all the other days a complete car wreck, and who doesn’t love watching a good wreck in progress!

This was great. The only problem is I hate carrying stuff, I hated, hated, HATED the idea of having to carry a digital camera, a digital recorder, my cell phone, CrackBerry, extra batteries, more cords, adapters, god it’s hurting my back just to type it all out. I already think we all look like batman wannabes with utility belts on. Then I got a great e-mail informing me that there had been a new operating system update released for my blackberry that would give it the ability to create video – EUREKA!!! That’s it. I could do my video journals with my CrackBerry. All was right with the world and my new video blog was one-step closer to being a reality, now all I needed was somewhere to go.

This brings us to this point. Below is my first official entry of my "BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG" series. The video quality on the phone isn’t the greatest, but I think it’s good enough to get the job done.

P.S. Below that, I added my test run of the CrackBerry video feature.

BOOK EVERYTHING TRAVEL BLOG EP1 PACKING SUCKS OR I SUCK AT PACKING


Click on link for a pic of the finished product
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo#/photo.php?pid=1523468&id=592097266&ref=nf

TESTING 1 2 3

AND THEN SO I SAID...

I was reading part 2 of a blog over at A Belle in Brooklyn, about Belle’s first study abroad experience. The video below is in response to one of the comments left by Anon 11:14. Yes, I was TOO LAZY to write my response, so I took advantage of my newly acquired video option on my CrackBerry to create a video reply. I recommend reading the blog Part 1 here and Part 2 here and the comment by Anon 11:14 here, which motivated me to create the response below.




P.S. Check out Part 3 here.

GVG
~we're the warriors they write/videotape epics about~

P.P.S. This is my first time trying this Vlog thing on here.

A CONVERSATION BEFORE DEATH CALLS

Below is a CrackBerry Messenger conversation I had with a friend yesterday, while on a short flight from Michigan to NYC, after reading a blog post she wrote entitled “It was all a dream”.


Participants:
-------------
GVG, Belle

Messages:
---------

GVG: It’s funny you had a dream about death

GVG: The last couple of flights I've had have been especially bad for me

GVG: I've never been scared of flying

GVG: Outside of the little anxiety on takeoff and landing, but I think that's common with everyone.

GVG: The last couple of flights have been different

GVG: I have these weird daydreams about the plane crashing

GVG: Maybe it has to do with the fact that I always sit in the emergency row for the extra legroom n all of a sudden I have really started to think about why there is an emergency row n when my responsibilities would actually take effect

GVG: I honestly think I'm writing so I can stop thinking about dying

GVG: It’s not working

GVG: Cuss now instead of dreaming of dying, I'm writing about dying

GVG: Weird things pass through ur mind when you think u may die

GVG: Who you'd call

GVG: In what order

GVG: Who u wouldn’t

GVG: what you'd say

GVG: I keep thinking that I’ll do one last status update on FaceBook

*GVG: "Gardy is about to die. Hope you're having a better day. P.S. Spirit sucks!"

GVG: You start thinking about all the things u didn't do

GVG: the women u loved n never told

GVG: The women who loved u n u never appreciated

GVG: The petty issues u had with friends and family

GVG: I actually just had a great memory pop into my head about u

GVG: Don't know why it sticks, but I just thought about that smile u gave me that night I ran out of that Roots concert at Highline

GVG: Even while I sit here writing

GVG: I realize I'm not scared of death

GVG: God, just make it quick

GVG: I'm scared shitless of not being remembered

GVG: I can be better than I am

GVG: That's such a bullshit statement

GVG: We can all be better than we are

GVG: The question is what will we do to be better

GVG: I think you should know that I always thought the story that it was when you saw my "story of life/death" tattoo was when you lost interest was bs

GVG: The plane is bouncing back n fourth n it’s messing with me

GVG: My toees r clinched

GVG: I have to keep typing

GVG: I put the volume all the way up on Alice Smith’s album

*GVG: I love the irony that the beginning of the chorus to the song I’m listening to is "If we start to fall..."

GVG: We landed.

*Belle: Blog this. It's painfully honest.

Belle: I'm glad you made it safe.

Belle: And um, why is your phone on mofo. You're supposed to turn it off.

GVG: Painfully honest is just the right way to describe it

Belle: And the tats were it.

Belle: I wouldn't lie.

Belle: ull be remembered. The question is how. That dream was eye opening for me.

GVG: Think it was eye opening for both of us

GVG: I started keeping it [my phone] on because I thought if I was going to die I didn't want to waste time trying to turn it back on to call n text

Belle: Am I living the way I want people to remember me? Will my folk remember me enuff to party on?

GVG: I think I would have had a panic attack if I wasn't typing

Belle: will kev and jess be ok? Will …… (Deleted because its none of your business)

Belle: Alice Smith is good. So is Nina Simone.

Belle: Or gospel music or Stevie- all songs about hope. Little trick I use.

GVG: I’ll remember that

GVG: I needed an uplifting album

GVG: Good God my hands r ashy

GVG: The things u notice...

Belle: He died, but did you see how ashy his hands were in that casket?

GVG: Thanx for giving me the space to type

Belle: Good lord. They coulda done a better job than that.

GVG: LOL

GVG: He don't even look like that

Belle: If I ever write this book. That line is going in there.

Belle: He woulda used more lotion.

Belle: Someone who loves you would put lotion on you.

GVG: Agreed

Belle: (It won't be me. Cause I ain't touching a body)

Belle: But we wouldn't let you go to the great beyond looking ashy.

Belle: You got to go how you came - in style.

GVG: Fresh to death!!!!

Belle: Word.

Belle: Gotta bounce for the train. $

GVG: Bye!

Belle: You should post this whole exchange on ur blog. $

GVG: Was thinking the same thing

GVG: Think I’ll call it "A conversation before death calls"

THE END

*It should be noted on this flight that Spirit left my luggage back in Michigan and at the time of posting still have not returned my luggage. Guess that status update wasn’t too far off.

* The song I was listening to was Gary’s Song off Alice Smith’s debut album “For Lovers, Dreamers, & Me”

* You may have noticed that I wrote a lot with no response. Up until this point I was still in the air with no signal on my phone. When we landed, my signal returned, and all the messages I had typed went through at once.

WOULD YOU SAVE A SOUL?

There is so much happening in my life that no one will ever fully know. If you ask me about it, I will lie. If you think you know, you probably do not. But it is there, and it hurts.

I remember the day I first got the new Gnarls Barkley album, The Odd Couple. I was excited, eager, curious. I pressed play and let it ride. When it reached track two, “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul,” I stopped. And I stayed there. For days. I played that one song over and over again. It wrapped itself around me. It did not just speak to me, it understood me.

It made me think about writing. I did not.
It made me think about speaking. I stayed silent.
So I just listened.

Today, someone sent me the video for that very song. And somehow, it moved me all over again. Just like the first time. Maybe even more.

It made me think about writing.
It made me think about speaking.
I will not.

But I will share this with you. Because maybe, without words, you will still hear me.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul

FINALLY...

MY THOUGHTS

Someone asked me today what I thought about last night’s primary victory, the one that marked Barack Obama as the presumptive nominee for President of the United States. The question came after I asked him and another friend to step away from a heated argument they were having about the significance or supposed lack of what had just happened.

This was my response:

I am, without question, the biggest cynic most of you will ever meet. And honestly, I am still uneasy about the way the media continues to refer to Obama as a “Black man,” as if the one drop rule is still the standard we live by. Earlier this year, I made a conscious decision to keep those feelings to myself. For a number of reasons I will not unpack right now.

But I have to admit, this morning something shifted in me.

It took some time for the weight of it all to register, but once it did, I was surprised by how deeply it moved me. Even through all my skepticism and reluctance to be swept up in national emotion, I could not deny what I felt. I was proud. Proud of this moment. Proud of what it means.

I know there is still a long road ahead. I am not naive about that. But today, I am choosing to stand in this moment. I am choosing to feel the soft patch of grass beneath my feet, to breathe in the clarity of this sky above my head, and to let it all be what it is, a piece of history that belongs to all of us.

This is not the finish line. But it is a step in a direction many of us never grew up believing was possible.

Today is ours. Let us hold it. Let us feel it. Let us live it.

Great qoute from PostBourgie

“every cynic was once a wounded optimist who still secretly longs that he/she will be proven wrong.”

Only November will tell how I’ll see the cup from now on.

REPOST: SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT

This weekend, while at a house party that, as always, promised good vibes, I found myself outside chatting with friends. Somehow, the conversation turned to She’s Gotta Have It, which led me to recall the “A.S.S.” survey I had reposted here last year and the wide range of reactions it sparked. Since it’s been on my mind and I haven’t written anything new, I’ve decided to share it again. Enjoy.

Recently, I came across a survey that Spike Lee reportedly gave to several women to help shape the character who would become Nola Darling in She’s Gotta Have It from Che Grand. As I read through the questions, I grew curious about what the answers might look like more than two decades after the film’s original release, and the survey that inspired such a provocative character at the time.

This is where you, my loyal, beautiful, intelligent, and open-minded female readers and friends, come in. And yes, I'm greasing you up, but I mean every word. So, if you feel comfortable, I invite you to take the survey. And if you prefer to keep your answers private, you are welcome to share them anonymously as a commenter on my blog.

Continue reading

here

NOTE: The last time I posted this blog it lead to some controversy and not everyone was happy with my post (to say the least). If this offends you, I apologize in advance.

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN - DANCE AFRICA IS HERE!!!!

One of the most beautiful gatherings of black people, food, music, art, woman, and great vibes each year. Also a wonderful beginning to the unofficial start of summer. See you in the streets.



http://www.bam.org/events/08AFRI/08AFRI_bazaar.aspx

Sat, May 24, 12noon—10pm
Sun, May 25, 12noon—8pm
Mon, May 26, 12noon—7pm

Over 250 vendors from around the world converge on the streets surrounding BAM, transforming the neighborhood into a global marketplace offering African, Caribbean, and African-American food, crafts, and fashion. Rain or shine!

As part of the festivities, BAM presents a live showcase of roaming drummers, dancers, and stilt walkers inspired by the spirit of Africa.

I SEE PISS COMING I MOVE!

SHE SAW PISS COMING SHE STAYED!

I RESPECT THIS!

GVG
~when keeping it real goes right~

YOU KNOW I ALREADY KNEW THIS..,

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU AND YOURS

LET THERE BE LIGHT....

Below is just the fix we need on a nasty, dark, rainy day like today. Enjoy.



THANX TIMM

LOLA'S VILLAGE VOICE STORY OUT TODAY!!!!!

Below is a link to the story in this month’s Village Voice about Lola's ongoing fight with the Soho Alliance and our "Dinner for a cause" events back on March 26TH AND 27TH, 2008 by Chloe A. Hilliard. A special Thanx goes to all the promoters who helped not only promote, but organize this event, and made it the huge success it was - DJ Herbert, Ed Freiberg, DJ Marc Smooth and Stone Jackson of EarCandyNYC, Kevin Powell, Grae Enterprise, MIH Icon, Gary Grant, Omar Hamilton, Danny Castro, Juanito Fortuno, C.I.A, Yaz, and DJ Cosi.

Thank you to EVERYONE who assisted in making this event such a great success by patronizing the restaurant on both nights of the "Dinner with a cause" events and all the nights after. We appreciate you all and hope you continue to support and spread the word about Lola's and their ongoing issues.

Lola is Soul
www.Lolaissoul.com
15 Watts st. corner of Thompson st. (Soho, New York)
T. 212.675.6700



Deep South of Houston: Is a Soul-Food Restaurant Too Black for Soho?
by Chloe A. Hilliard
May 6th, 2008 12:00 AM

Lola, a soul-food restaurant that featured live rhythm-and-blues acts, attracts a largely black clientele, and also went by the name Lola Is Soul, decided in 2004, for business reasons, to move from Chelsea to Soho. But once they got there, the owners—a biracial couple—ran into surprisingly stiff opposition from the Soho Alliance, a community group that has opposed Lola's liquor license and its legal petition to have live entertainment at its new location.

Cries of racism have, not surprisingly, been leveled by Lola's supporters. But Don Clark MacPherson, a longtime resident of the neighborhood and a member of the Soho Alliance—as well as the publisher of the Soho Journal—says that the accusations of racism are unfounded. Lola, he tells the Voice, just moved to Soho at a bad time: Frustrated by the large number of nightclubs already in the area, the alliance saw in Lola simply one liquor license too many. "Race in this issue is a red herring," he says. "I don't think that the type of music had anything to do with it. The objection started before anyone heard about the type of music Lola played." Continue reading here


Also check out the Villager story here